Friday, October 30, 2009

Seriously. I want a DOG.

What ever happened to "third times the charm"?
Or "three strikes and you're OUT"?
As of today, for Korea I'm up to FIVE times having encountered some form of sexual harassment. >.>

Oh, how to count the ways in which you piss me off, Korea.

Admittedly, in America, there was one time - an old guy (who happened to be a family friend) grabbed my face and tried to kiss me. Fortunately, he wasn't too forceful and I was able to avert in time. All thanks to the presence of his wife.
Not that she was watching, but after I nonchalantly averted he whispered very clearly, "Come back later when my wife isn't here."

Needlesstosay, I never took him up on that.
Creepy bastard.

I can't recall precisely how old I was at that time. I know it was around High School because later when Pepper Puppy was with us, when she was with me in the car she reacted to him very non-favorably.

But in America's defense, that was only one time in 25 years.

Then there was an incident in Japan.
Actually, it wasn't as blatant as the nasty old man in America, but when an older man - again, older - suddenly feels up my arm and then giggles madly like an elementary girl in between "Oh, I shouldn't have done that."
That just creeps me out.
Oh, and that was at this place in Japan, MSE. I later heard that apparently the righteous bitch that runs it didn't believe me. Which is probably why I was still forced to teach him the last month. (For the record, another girl later on ran into similar harassment by the SAME MAN and she was ALSO forced to continue to teach him.)

But in Japan's defense, that was only one time in 4 years.

But Korea...
Korea's a keeper.
Five times in only Seven MONTHS.

This last time a mere 60 minutes ago when I was cornered in my apartment building by a Korean man wanting sex.
Well, at least he was young. >.>

But sexual harassment knows no age discrimination in Korea!
Young or Old, they all stick out their hand for no reason as you walk past to try to grab your breast.
I can't fathom that one. Because I'll be the first to unabashedly admit there's not much to grab. So seriously, W.T.H. is your deal!?!?!

This last one though...
So much for the new electronic door locks. >.>

As he didn't speak much English and wasn't letting me out, I did the only thing possible - went along with it while trying to find a calm way to diffuse the situation and escape.

See, I had already judged there was not a SINGLE soul in the building.
Everyone there works someplace. And since most are English teachers like me as it was early yet they're were definitely not there. (I had returned briefly to fetch I book Incheon customs kept me waiting over a month for. But that's another gripe.)

Screaming was not going to get anyone coming to rescue me and worse might agitate him. We were on fairly "friendly terms" as much as I was trying to sidle out of there.
I also knew there was no chance of over-powering him - he had already repeatedly shown he was strong enough to keep me from leaving.

I kept protesting that I had work, was late, "shikan" (time) pointing to my wrist repeatedly, but that didn't phase him from repeatedly pulling me close to wrap his arms around me.
That was just tolerable enough, but just like the creepy American, it eventually graduated to grabbing the back of my head and forcing his lips on mine.

Three times. :P

The last time with tongue, too. *gag*
When I pulled away from that one was when he leaned in conspiritorily and asked me if I knew "sex".

Give me a break, already.

I continued protesting innocently about the time and the bus (finally remembered the word for that) then had the idea to started heavily emphasizing "email" as in "1st email THEN sex."

That seemed to do the trick.

Either that or he was getting worried about the delivery he was supposed to be making but instead took time out to make a little detour to assault a foreign girl.

I'm thinking a Siberian Husky or two.*

Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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*for the record, this is the PG-version of the Korea story. I really didn't feel like remembering the whole thing in detail over and over again.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


The Japanese have a saying, a brilliant bit of wisdom if I must say - "口は災いの元".
Literally, "The mouth is the source of troubles."

It's likely why I was unusually reticent as a child (I knew it then without actually knowing it.) and thereafter never developed any further skill with the spoken word.

But as no one understands half of what I say here anyway, I naturally take advantage of this, throw all cares to the wind and babble out whatever pops into my head.

"Wake up or stand up!"
- they are perpetually trying to sleep in class. He stood up immediately. He could have just WOKEN UP, but as no one is ever listening to me in the first place, I didn't bother to correct him.

"It's not a dance floor."
- typical example of minor punishment is to have the student stand outside. I don't like that for several reasons the main one of which you simply can NOT trust them to just sit down and make themselves comfortable or merely walk off someplace.
So my version is they stand at the front of the class on my large dias. (Besides, it's more humiliating this way.)
For the first time I caught someone doing the moonwalk up here today.

"I WILL beat you with the bunny stick."
- aaah, the bunny stick. How I love thee.
In general, you don't have too much problems with the girls classes. That's rather true internationally. But wrongdoings can not go unnoticed forever and sometimes an example must be made.
For the girls, I do the worst thing possible - I use the bunny stick to MESS THEIR HAIR.
For the one and only, singular boys class the rates gentleness because they are so good - I just whack them on the head.
(They're sooo good!!! When I tell them to stand in the corner, they actually STAND IN THE CORNER!! I love that class.)

"You don't speak to me like that!"
- aah, things I remember hearing from my childhood. (Fortunately, I wasn't on the receiving end.) It's almost nostalgic to find myself saying them now, the way the tumble off my lips so thoughtlessly, naturally.
Seriously, children are extremely rude to the foreign teachers here. It was quite a shock the first couple months after teaching in Japan for 4 years. There's nothing to explain it except to say that THIS is the Korean way of things.

"If I wait, YOU wait."
- My newest technique for getting them to shut up not just QUICKLY but for more then 5 minutes is deliciously effective. Even more so then the nailpolish. For every minute the make me wait, they wait that long in class After the bell rings. :D
This is really great because you're hitting them directly where it hurts - the stomach and the Korean teacher.
There's only two options for the 'next class'. It's either lunch/dinner, in which case you're delivering a belly-hit, or it's a Korean teacher's class.
They may treat us like week-old road kill, but they respect and FEAR the Korean teachers. They'll stroll into my classroom 5 minutes past start time, but they will run from this same classroom in order to not be late for their Korean teacher's class.
Boy, do they listen carefully these days.

And as always there are the assortment of curious conversations...
Student: "You are scary."
Me: "Yes. I am."
** Her intention was to say that I liked scary things, but I didn't bother to correct her since I agree under either meaning.

Student: "Your face is so small. You are so cute!"
** Yes, I happen to embody the Asian pinnacle of beauty - tall in height (by Asian standards, of course), small face, big eyes, tall nose. (As opposed to big nose. Not big, 'tall'.)

To a Kindergarten boy that kept shoving his toy tank in my face while we were trying to have class -
"Oh, yes, it's very nice. However, I'm against war under any circumstances."

Possibly my current favorite.
Said to a table of girls up front. You remember seeing those nature shows with monkeys grooming themselves, picking out bugs from their fur and eating them?
One of the little monkeys was laying across two others at her table all three of which were searching intently through her hair. I couldn't resist.
"Are you looking for bugs?"
*squeals* "No, no! White hair!"
White hair acquired and yanked free.
In a fleeting moment of sympathy I said "Aah, you are to young."
As student in question despondantly examined the hair - "Yes, I am."
"I think it's stress."
And just as sadly - "Yes, stress."

Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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Tuesday, October 06, 2009

why do you steal?!

was the only logical response to my landlord's paniced accusation.

I was pretty much on a roll today compared to the disaster of yesterday. (I didn't even get lunch I was striking out that badly.) Already I had found a random 10 won in the school parking lot only to follow it up with a whopping 20 won in the classroom! The kids always have money on hand. Maybe no pens or notebooks, but be damned if they aren't armed with money for the snack bar. Because you know we never feed them or anything. So apparently someone finally took me up on my grinning request for a tip - "Gee, is that for me? Like a tip? Thank You~~ (WTH are you doing here? ).
Into the purse it went and into the apartment I went.

It took only an hour for the knocking at the door to start - at least the landlord was back and my washer might finally get fixed. But the first thing out of his mouth was just that - "Why do you steal?!"
"Coin. You steal!"
I stupidly didn't connect my actions of picking up a coin the valued equivalency of LESS then 1 cent to be stealing so all I could do was continue to stare dumbly at him.

"It's for steelman. If you have it I need it back!"
Even if you were blind you couldn't miss his skyrocketing panic. I didn't get the steelman reference or how it was in any way connected with a random worthless coin, but in a desperate effort to clear my name as fast as possible I hurriedly pointed down to the clothing bag at my feet atop of which the coin was resting innocently.
"Sure! Fine. It's right there!" o.0
(Look, nothing to hide! Just take it and go. Have you been drinking, sir?)

I'm not sure if he was miffed at the whole inconvience of it all or still feeling accusatory, but then he demanded an explanation of me -"Why did you take it?"
I in turn was pressed to think of something on the spot that he could understand in his current agitated state of mind while retaining as much meaning as possible only to come up with, "It was on the ground. Like trash." o.0

That actually seemed to satisfy him and the matter was put to rest.

And we finally got around to figuring out what the steelman was after he demonstrated by grabbing a CD off my shelf and shiftily hiding it behind his back.
"Oh! A burglar!!" (STEAL-man)
Yes, finally the light flashed on!
Or the sugar kicked in.

I guess someone had been robbed in the apartment building while they were gone for Korean Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving.

And apparently the coin on the window sill was his current idea for an alarm system in lieu of a door lock for the building.

Doesn't matter though.
Not only did I get to pet me a dragonfly today, but even his little friend flitted down to watch from the edge of my shoulder!

Cheers! (^_-)-☆
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Friday, October 02, 2009

I take it all back.

Surely it's a fleeting thing, but aside from the monster mosquitos and around 50% of the population being grotesquely unmannered, pompous, ignorant, over-sexed... I'll leave off there.

I am NOT saying that I like it, but maybe Korea is not all bad? o.0

I have access to really great cosmetics lines - Tony Moly, DHC, the domestic brands SkinFood and Innis Free. They would be the best ever if they weren't surely tested on helpless, suffering animals, but I don't have much choice in a country that eats dog meat.

I have an endless supply of 'happy cake' in near endless varieties.
(I know the location of all the closest eight shops and they know me too.)

I have three TV channels in Japanese one of which shows each of the major 2 week long sumo bashos and another on now which is showing American football!
Hakuhou~! Kotomitsuki~! Balto! !
Oh, and BS2 (Japanese) will now be showing COLUMBO regularly on Thursday evenings. ♡ヨッシャー!!

The white rice is still no comparison to Japan's, but the black, wild, red and about 5 varieties of brown are plentiful and cheap.

Unlike in America, I have medical coverage.
For EVERYTHING. Even pre-existing injuries. The fact that I wouldn't be just shocks everyone into speechlessness. Much less when I tell them it was the charming US government itself that cut off my health insurance right in the middle of my physical therapy.

The have these really cool item of clothing I've never seen elsewhere. Once I realized their potential I cornered a student on where to get them. (Apparently NOT where the sell clothes.)
Like leg warmers, but obviously not for your legs.
Within one week I managed to hunt down and acquire 7 pairs.

Or just maybe it's that I like being able to say "I need to make a quick jump over to Japan for some shopping this weekend."

Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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