Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Monday, January 25, 2010

a different kind of morning shower.

Since ancient times, chocolate has been tauted as an aphrodisiac.
But coffee....?



I'll just stick with chocolate, thank you.
(click on picture to read the English "To Use" instructions.)


Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Why do you speak English?

When I lived in the glorious state of Maryland {regarding Ohio, no comment as always} I distinctly remember my mother having a very 1970's looking hardcover on the bedstand titled KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS.

Yes, they do. Particularly in an ESL classroom.

"Why do you speak English?"
~Student A asked me this recently in a conversation about my stamps.
I have many, many. All of which are invariably from Japan.
In response to the question of why I have these Japanese things, I said, "I lived there."
That was followed by a brief moment of silence.
Then, "You lived there? Why do you speak English?"

This is actually very interesting twist to the common expat experience of being a stranger in a strangeland. In Japan the formula was White=>Foreigner=>AMERICAN.
A distinctly skin color-based formula for assessing your opponent in conversation.
(And incidentally there is a sub-rule of Foreigner=can not speak Japanese.)

However, in the little Korean girl's mind, the formula was geographically-based: regardless of skin color, the fact that I lived in Japan equalled I should be speaking Japanese, not English. You could just see the misconnection of reality and facts etched on her face.

However, first week questions top the list for me.

"Why are you so tall?"
~For all the foreigners supposedly around here in Seoul I've always been struck by how misplaced this was. I was never asked this by children in Japan even in the rural areas where it's NOT unusual to be the only foreigner.

Some questions, however, are universal:

"How old are you?"
~As this inevitably comes up not once, but several times I turn it into an ESL activity to practice numbers by making them guess my age. They're always shocked. Even the adults.

"Are you married?"
~Because at MY age, how could I possibly not be?!?!!?
Is the Asain mindset.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"
~Lacking a proper husband, surely I must have one of these to attest to my basic worth as a female. >.>


Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

SNAKES ON THE LOOSE!!!

It goes without saying, no pets in class. Please, people.

I walk into my rowdy, overcrowded {“never more then ten students per class” so why do I count fifteen?} but not unpleasant mid-day class today only to have “Di” jump up and proclaim loudly that “Ray” has snakes!

“Snakes?” I feel my eyes bugle.

“Yes, snakes! Snakes!” “Di” pronounces with that giddy, unhinged excitement only tattletales can manage to exude.

The first thought in my head was "You have got to be sh^%#ng me. Someone brought their pet snake to class?!?"
On the heels of that came a rushed apologetic thought - "Not that I have anything against snakes. I like snakes. I have a tendency towards fondness for long slinky things with sharp teeth – sharks, ferrets, snakes. Ferrets."

Inwardly I felt myself rolling my eyes as I approached the podeum.
I scanned the floor as "Ray" and "Di" and frankly most of the class behaved like a scene out of danse macabre.

"Di" points again. More directly this time at "Ray's" bag – "Snake! Snake!"

In the bag – nothing moving.
Bag – cleared.

On the floor...
...
"Snack?!? You mean snack?!”
I peer in disbelief at the long curly fry on the floor NEXT to the bag.
"That's a snack. Snake is animal."

Draw snake on board.
SNAKE.
Point to floor.
SNACK.

Order, or what passes for it here, returned to class as students took their seats when the bell rang.

And for the rest of the class, the nice-teacher turned a blind eye to the occassional yet repeated consumption of the hapless snakes.


Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

MichiKusa {道草を食う}: tea

~READING TEA~

In Japan there is a traditional belief with tea that if you find a leaf is floating upright in your cup that means good fortune is coming.

This is what I found in the bottom of my tea cup late late last night.


...
...
Does this mean I am meant to find love on the otherside of the ocean?!?
I wasn't particularly looking, but sure why not.

Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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Sunday, February 22, 2009

"Do I really need to know this?" AKA: a Korean Language Primer

When I first went to Japan originally I had some basic language skills as backup. I was an exception. Most ESL teachers went blind and frankly did perfectly well. My family thought I was brave or whatever just for going to a foreign country, but I think THOSE teachers were the brave ones. Now is my chance to prove I too am brave.
Not really. It's mostly that I'm just reckless. ^o^

I snooped around online for some info and found a bunch of sites which I will post later, but I needed a BOOK since you have to have you Foreign Residents card processed and in hand to get Internet service at your residence. If Korea is anything like America -and I'm sure it is as governments everywhere thrive by dragging their collective a$ when it comes to getting things done- that could take some time.

Anyway, the book I choose was in Japanese. I know from the little searching I have done online that grammatically Korean is far more similar to Japanese then English. Pronunciation-wise closer to English so I plan to use both English and Japanese resources at my disposal. In the meantime though, since I'm starting from ZERO I went with this Japanese book on recommendation from Kinokuniya in NYC. It came with a CD and was in-stock..

I have to say it just cracks me up. After tracks of numbers, counting and basic greetings you, the learner, enter the world of daily conversation. And that's when it gets good.
"Please stop" ... OK, harmless enough.
"His conversation is most unpleasant" ... Now there's a very Japanese comment. But still in the reasonable range of things.

"The change is wrong."
"This is not what I ordered."
"This food is not cooked through."
"The glass is dirty." ... ...Home cooked meals are sounding better and better all the time.

"I'm afraid of ghosts." ... ...? OK, I do NOT recall this ever coming up in a conversation and I'm a renowned horror-film fan.

But the best parts come at the end of the book/CD. I think the authors were just sick of the whole thing by then and decided to screw with us.

It's starts off with "I have been hit by a car." and "It's not my fault." (now that's a must know in any language.) then follows up with such other useful phrases like "I am the victim" which utterly cracked me up and resulted in no sleep.

Again, do we really need to know these things?
And if so, what does this say about Korea?
All fun.

Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

You're a WERE-what?!?!

You thought European commercials were a hoot. They've got nothing on the Japanese. From naked women to singing business men... still I like this one the best so far:
The Online interactive Laptop computer commercial where you can hang out with BUNNY-man!

WHERE TO GO:
http://www.fmworld.net/fmv/usataku/main.html

HOW TO PLAY:
There are a set of 4 boxes, usually at the bottom of the frame. One is a set of 3 grey buttons with either an ! or ?. Next to that is a blue button with an image of a door.
The 1 grey, !-button just tells you a little more about the product. The 2 grey, ?-buttons let you play with BUNNY-man and the blue button lets you choose other rooms in the house to play in. If you click on the blue door button a diagram of his house will pop up over the current frame. You can go to any room that is shaded red - there are 4 rooms to pick from.

EVEN MORE TO SEE!:
You can see the original commericial that birthed this site, too! No matter what room you are in, at the bottom of the frame you will see 4 "tabs". The first one will have Japanese and these letters somewhere in it- CM - standing for commercial. Click on that one and a new window will pop up with your pre-set Real or WMP player . You know what to do from there!!

BTW, on the right are 2 more links with the numbers 15 and 30, respectively. Those show you other versions of the commercial.

Come.
Enter the brave, new world and
LIMBO with the BUNNY-man.


Woman: "A werewolf!?! You're A WEREWOLF!!?"
.......
Woman: "What the hell? A were-bunny?!"
Man: "I told you I wasn't any good with the moon."

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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

cheerful happy rainbows make smilegood time

Apparently, most Japanese have never seen a real rainbow—there’s too much air pollution here.

On the other hand, they get to experience their own little rainbow inside the grocery throughout the year.

Take, for instance, KitKats:
In the Spring, there is Orange.
In the Summer, there is Blueberry and Lemon.
In October I found Acorn Squash for Halloween.
Again: There are no “pumpkins” in Japan. Some moron saw what is very obviously an acorn squash and decided to call it a pumpkin. As we know, acorn squash does NOT taste like a pumpkin. So imagine for the moment, if you will, an acorn squash-flavored KitKat. (Maybe you shouldn’t if you just ate.)

Now that we’re past Halloween, in preparation for Xmas, there are a flood of new flavors: White Chocolate, Dark Chocolate, and Mint. Oh, and lest we forget, Sweet Red BEAN. (Not as bad as the Acorn Squash, but still, weird.)

And I assure you, come January, we will once again see the ubiquitous Strawberry. Because in January, to use a Monty Python qu0te, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting something made with strawberries.

Again: They wonder why their strawberries taste bitter, not sweet. Here’s an idea— They are a SPRING fruit. Plant them in the Spring!! Not in the dead of winter!!!

It’s been awhile since I’ve experienced a full year in Japan, so I’m sure I’ve missed some colors. Wait until Spring. They’ve GOT to do something with purple.

Maybe… Purple sweet potato flavor??
(Don’t laugh. It’s perfectly and absolutely possible.)



in case you're wondering, the title of this section is an example of typical JapEnglish (JapAnglish?) seen throughout the country

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Adventures in Importing

As many times as I've traveled in and out of Japan, I've always felt their customs screening was rather open and non-offensive, downright 'friendly' even. Aka, LAX.

This however was too funny.

Mapplethorp was in the news!!!

I was lolling in front of the computer half-listening to the news when the words "mapplethorp" and "waisetsu" (indecent) caught my attention. (Of course, the word "waisetsu" will always catch my attention.) I had to hit replay. Apparently, a publishing house CEO was bringing a Mapplethrope photo colllection into Japan when it was confiscated as "indecent material". However the issue was brought to court and that decision was overturned. The courts declared it "artistic" material.

Although I have to say, compared to some of the things I see on the shelves everyday here, that's a pretty hypocratic stance to take - to treat it first as "indecent material" and later decalre it as "art". But still, be careful what you try to bring in to Japan. Starting this year,2008, they are both FINGERPRINTING and PHOTOGRAPHING incoming non-citizens.

At any rate, at least I know all my books are safe now. XD



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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Quirky Japan

Multi-tasking gone too far:
Several years ago it was predicted that websites would exist everywhere for the purpose of advertising. You see them in the newspaper, on tv, in magazines, on billboards and the little hand-out kleenex packages at train stations. It is the "age" of the obiqutious website urls.
But seriously, why did my roll of toilet paper have web addresses printed all over it?!
I ask you--to what end does this serve?
How many people do you know who not only bring their laptop computers into the bathroom, but intend to use it there??

A sad day for children and drivers everywhere:
I am here to report the end of the free-standing beer vending machines. Previously, you couldn't walk 2 blocks without coming across a free-standing, unregulated beer or cigarette vending machine. (Normally, they were right next to each other.) Now, due to the rapid increase in fatalities linked to DUI (wow. No one could have seen that coming.), the cigarette machines are left standing alone by the roadside like jilted lovers.
So...apparently, it's considered a serious problem if the children buy unregulated beer and crash their bikes into a wall, but no one cares if they start smoking pack a day as 6th graders and die of lung cancer 50 years later?


Who says american's produce the most waste?:
Although actual, true scienticists (not government-paid) in universities in the US were talking about global warming 20 years ago when I was a child, the US governemnt chose to ignore it, in favor of continuing to line their own pockets with money from oil. Other countries, like Japan, accepted the truth for what it was. The result--You can recycle everything from clothes to plastic to glassware to paper products here. And frankly, that's the least they can do becasue each and EVERY indivdual piece of candy, piece of cake, piece of chocolate is WRAPPED IN PLASTIC! Sometimes twice over!!
Not only are the desserts hygenically sealed, going to the supermarket is like going xmas shopping with everything pre-wrapped. Seriously, you HAVE to buy your veggies and fruits pre-"assembled" if you will, in plastic bags sealed with a piece of gold tape. No choices to be made about how much you can buy. It doesn't border on the ridiculous, it IS ridiculous.
Everyone complains about the price of food here. If they were actually serious about doing something about it, the first thing they would do is get rid of the pretty bags and sparkle tape!
Here's a long overdue heads-up for an entire nation--It's FOOD. You EAT IT. You're not decorating the house with it!

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Friday, December 29, 2006

WORD of the Year, KANJI of the Year

Being that it is the end of the year, I thought I would introduce you to the Japanese version of the American "Word of the Year" tradition hosted by Webster's dictionary.
Not surprisingly, the Japanese version is not so much a "word", but a character, ie kanji, of the year. (Actually, I was aware of the Japanese Kanji of the Year first since they show the drawing of it in a ceremony on National TV. ;> )

So, without further delay, the American word of the year is....
Truthiness

1 : "truth that comes from the gut, not books" (Stephen Colbert, Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report," October 2005)
2 : "the quality of preferring concepts or facts one wishes to be true, rather than concepts or facts known to be true" (American Dialect Society, January 2006)

excerpt from the article:
As expected, there were a few surprises in store for us as we pored through your submissions for our first Word of the Year online survey. Either the vast majority of you out there in the Merriam-Webster online community are big fans of The Colbert Report, or Time Magazine was right on target when it honored the show's host Stephen Colbert earlier this year as one of the most influential people of 2006. By an overwhelming 5 to 1 majority vote, our visitors have awarded top honors to a word Colbert first introduced on "The Word" segment of his debut broadcast on Comedy Central back in October 2005.


Read full article here.
See the original broadcast featuring the first use of truthiness here.

Other words rounding out the Words of the Year 2006:
2. google
3. decider
4. war
5. insurgent
6. terrorism
7. vendetta
8. sectarian
9. quagmire
10. corruption

Looks pretty dark and cynical compared to Japanese Kanji of the Year:

Inochi (Life)

写真


translation from the article:
The Organization for the Japanese Kanji Proficieny Test (head office: Kyoto)
announced on the 12th, the country wide publicly selected "Year's Kanji" at Kyoto's Kiyomizu Temple. From 92,509 entries, the top was "inochi" (life). Since November, 9.04% (8363 votes) of the entries received through the Internet and postcards were for "inochi". The reason given was from the ongoing children suicides resulting from bullying, the birth of the rule son-Hisahito, and accidents caused by DUI. In second place was "falling-away" (3793 votes), third place was "birth" (3303 votes). Last year was "love"; and the year before that was "disaster".

日本漢字能力検定協会(本部・京都市下京区)が全国公募した「今年の漢字」が12日、京都市東山区の清水寺で発表された。9万2509人の応募の中 でトップだったのは「命」。11月からインターネットやはがきで受け付けた応募の9.04%にあたる8363票が「命」だった。相次いだ子どものいじめによる自殺や秋篠宮ご夫妻の長男・悠仁(ひさひと)さまの誕生、飲酒運転による事故などが理由にあげられていた。  2位は「悠」(3793票)、3位は「生」(3303票)だった。昨年は「愛」、一昨年は「災」だった。




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