被害届け： a visit from Jack Sprat and his wife

Life is filled with first's.
First crush.
First kiss.
First baby...

This was a first I could do without.

I made my first call to the Japanese Police this past Monday! (The 13th, incidentally.)
There were obvious signs that someone had been in my apartment while I was away at work. In other words, my very first actual case of breaking and entering. Not a very competent job fortunately as nothing was missing, only messed and.. increased? (They didn't take things, but they left things. ) However, I called the police anyway since if they entered once, they could do it again. And it was too freaky to think what they might be handling while I am not there. And what might happen to Ranmaru?!?

They took their time getting here, or at least it felt like it, but when they got here...
It was like a bizzare bridal procession for Jack Sprat and his wife. Officer "J", we will call him, was not tall like in the story but just as skinny and uninspiring. I am quite sure he was wiry-strong, but I am just as sure the gear he was wearing weighed more than him.
And his pledged partner Officer "W" was a retired sumo wrestler?
There are no really overweight people in Japan beyond the sumo wrestlers and comedians.
However, he seemed to have found the situation inappropriately amusing so maybe he fancied himself a comedian on the side. (All I could think as we approached my door was how is he going to get through the foyer to the back of the apartment??)

I filed an official police report.
They advised that since nothing was missing this time, that would be best course of action. If it happened again (and it does.), then they would call the detective in and it would be officially investigated whether or not anything was taken . They asked me about calling a detective this time too, but that was kind of unsettling so I went with their suggestion of just filing a report for now.

Oh, and like I mentioned above, the a$$h01e$ invaded again.

This time we were waiting for them though.
They triggered my door "alarm" and Ranmaru's very own ferret "alarm" - jerk stepped in a ferret landmine waiting by the front door.

That was the situation when I returned from work on Friday.
Once is more than enough.
But MORE THAN TWO TIMES!?! And in the same week?!
Camera came out for evidence pictures and I went to talk to the landlord who was actually in for once.
They immediately called in a locksmith...
Who then, as an apology of sorts for not being able to come immediately on Friday, arrived Saturday 30 minutes EARLIER than planned and before I had even gotten dried off from my shower.
... ...
At least it got done.


Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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Assignment, Set and VOLLEY!

I have decided that instead of being merely pumped for information by the a$$h01e$ at work, I am going to jump in the court and play with them.

I could go into the details (and will later), but suffice it to say that at this current place, beyond a few early... mistakes? shall we call them? no one has actually ever spoken TO me. Mostly, they have talked AT me, always with the intention of pumping me for information about what I am doing. (Seriously, VILLAGE of the DAMNED here.) This makes me sad really given I always struggled to speak to these people in their native language, speaking to them as people, not as some f)(&'%&$#"g assignment for work.

Yeah, I am pretty bitter about this. I'd like to throw a bunch of these uppity, self-centered a$$h01e$ into a totally foreign totally UNFRIENDLY environment where why could barely communicate and say, hey, knock yourself out, Honey.

Anywhoo, I just had the idea that if all they care about is pumping me for information, then that's just what they'll get. I am going to start responding to all poorly-veiled information-searches with some odd and confusing "answers"
After all, why should they have all the fun?

ASSIGNMENT!!

For practice....how would you answer this question?
Remember has to be believable yet leave one feeling a little, huh??

"What did you do this weekend?"

The more basic the question, the harder it is to come up with something off.

Consider that a nice version of what I usually get pried with:
Do you meet with anyone?
Do you meet with other foreigners?
Where do you go after work?
Where do you go on the weekend?
What time do you get home?
... o.0

Look forward to hearing from friends and visitors.
Will post the most promising responses!


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B1tch H1tler, again

Another conversation
Unwanted but overheard by the misfortune of being in the same room.
And did I mention she basically runs the Buddhist preschool/kindergarten (or in this case, military academy for short people)?

This was message delivered on behalf of nonpresent employee "A" by another of the staff, employee "B". Employee A had previously had a miscarriage. Traditionally there are specific times at which you go to pray for/to the soul of the miscarried child. Employee A apparently wished to take a day to go to that place and give offering, have rites said, etc.... Employee A was wondering why she was not being given permission to properly pray for her dead child.

B1tch H1tler didn't waste a second before delivering her proclamation to Employee B much the way she would sign a paper or write a check, "Time doesn't matter. It's the thought. She can go and pray and come back."

・・・

Not someone I would want influencing my offspring, but it is appropriately a Buddhist school and for the parents of those school children, 知らぬが仏 - The Buddha is unknowning, or in other words "Ignorance is Bliss".


Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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coming to a theater near YOU!

Well, not coming to a theater, but definitely coming to an ESL Blacklist in the near future.

And it's just the tip of the ice berg of what this place is like.

I was privy to a conversation tonight through the auspices of having my desk literally IN the VP's office.
Another teacher walked in to give notice of vacation plans during summer vacation. The conversation quickly degenerated and came to a screeching halt with
休みがあるというのは休みが取れるわけない。
Literally, Just because I said there was a vacation doesn't mean you can take vacation.
REALLY.
The foul she-beast then went on to EXPLAIN to the teacher how she had "interpreted" the original comments about the "vacation" time to "suit herself".
REALLY.

My desk faces the wall. I sat there until quitting time, making my little notes for tomorrow, quietly shuffling papers, but mostly ears up and listening. You could hear the confusion in this teacher's voice.
How could anyone not be confused?? I can't take vacation during vacation??
From my little corner, I imagined that the utter confusion was the only thing keeping her from bursting out into tears because that is surely what it sounded like.

Note here, there is nothing ambiguous about the Japanese word she used for vacation. The VP is just being an outright facist sadist twisting any normally accepted concept of vacation that everyone else in the country has to suit her own ends. As a result, this teacher will likely lose the money she spent on a very expensive airplane ticket in addition to having a working summer vacation and spring vacation AGAIN.

A working vacation? Isn't that just WORK?

I think someone at school needs to work on their own language skills.


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ESL: sentence game

This was recently going around with my friends on FB and it struck me immediately how this would be a great mini-game for the ESL classroom.

Focus: sentence construction, vocabulary, months, (ordinal) numbers

Practice: Use chart with sentences and have students read out loud using their own birthday.

Practice + α: Interviewing.
Students must ask each other, "When is your birthday?"
Student A responds with the date.
Student B uses the chart (with sentences) and writes down Student A's name and the corresponding sentence.

Practice + α, 1: Interviewing.
Students must ask each other, "When is your birthday?"
Student A responds with the sentence.
Student B uses the chart (with sentences) and writes down Student A's name and the corresponding date.

Practice + α, 2:
Provide the same chart with the sentence parts removed.
Students create their own sentence parts.
Follow up with interviewing or other.

Needless to say you must change the sentences on this original!!

That having been said, here is the chart:



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Why NOT to teach in Korea in 3 minutes.

BRILLIANT little film found by a former co-worker in Korea.

This really does the job of summing up the incredible instablity of life and work over there.
And yet they don't even go into the nightmare of classroom teaching!




If that doesn't warn you off enough or you are just feeling blessed (or lucky), at least remember to ALWAYS check blacklisted sites before accepting any job in Korea.


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POSEF rule #32 - we don't care.

POSEF rule #32:

Stealing and defacing the foreign teacher's property is OK.

We don't care and will do nothing about it.
So if you are feeling frustrated and destructive, knock yourself out!
Just get those scores up and we will turn a blind eye to it!


Really, they don't care.
What else should one think when one returns from the weekend to find their two sweater jackets missing? (weekend of 5/15-5/16)
I reported it immediately to receive yet again another bland, "Oh, that's too bad. I don't know what could have happened."

～＊～FIN～＊～

And that's not the first thing to go missing or be defaced to the point of complete uselessness.

Numerous personal magazines (usually missing, several obscenely defaced), comics (horribly defaced like the boys spit in them or blew their nose in them), and other "extra" materials to make the classroom environment more well-rounded and inviting. Because as anyone with even a few months experience much less a few years will tell you, the English conversation class is even more worthless than the music class.
As such, the clever teacher must find other ways to get them to do things.

If they still care by that point that is. -_-

The ironic(?) thing is they gave me NOTHING but a filthy, empty classroom to start with.
Not even a textbook.
And I revamped it from floor to ceiling with posters, a book corner, a separate work/lab table, a special free-chat corner to the point that one upperclassmen English teachers came in to take pictures of it because "the daughter of this teacher is just starting an English club and he wants to show her what a good classroom looks like. You are the best English conversation teacher we have ever had."

*click*snapsnap*

At least they could reimburse me for my loss incurred by one of their precious students. After all, until the items were recovered, the ENTIRETY of sophomore-world came to a screeching halt when a bunch of the students' items were stolen from their classroom. The only people with keys to the room are other teachers and the porno-movie club. Not even the janitor goes in to clean that place, so it was one of your little darlings..

You know what I have to say to that all-mighty POSEF?

You make it very obvious that you don't give a sh1t about what happens to the foreign teachers, so why do you expect them to care about anything in return??


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plush, cottony POSEF tissue

Well, I was going to post something different about why you want to avoid taking any ESL teaching post with POSEF in South Korea, but something better came up.
(And, yes, I am being sarcastic.)

My contract ends on May 31.
However because I am traveling with a pet I can not leave until June 7.

They are aware of this.

Last week Ellen (Unyeong Lee, 2-fa[ed b1t[h-a13rt) assured me that "POSEF doesn't pay for it, but you can stay longer in that apartment until you are able to leave."

TODAY it's "You have to be out when the contract ends."

Excuse me?!

And I am supposed to do what for an entire week?
Sleep outside??

With all my luggage and a pet?

That would be GREAT advertisement for how POSEF treats its employees.

Actually, sadly, that would be a very accurate advertisement -

WELCOME TO POSEF WHERE WE USE AND LOSE YOU AFTER HINTING THAT WE WANT YOU TO STAY ON.

Our lessons, my friends?

We, the ESL teachers on the front lines, are the only ones protecting ourselves.
And we can only protect ourselves by sharing information.

Because to organizations like POSEF and Hagwons like Avalon, we are just toilet tissue to be used for wiping their a$e$ and then be flushed down the drain. After all there are a dozen rolls more out there waiting to be used so just wipe, flush, and move on.

Look forward to more fun POSEF information in the future!


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Disinterested, Detached, and IN DENIAL

Three words to describe the administration's and (to a certain degree) native teachers' level of awareness in Pohang Jecheol High School.

I was informed today that like the other teachers, I would have to do some paperwork for my absence since "this process is what all teachers do when they are absent officially."

That's reasonable.

THIS is NOT:
"what you need to do is write 2 pages(A4) about what you were going to teach today for 1st graders."

I practically choked on laughter.
They are all still under the disillusion that there is any teaching going on??
Talk about naivety. Well, given their age, more like severe DENIAL.

I wrote back stating in no uncertain terms that although all my lesson plans are done a week in advance, I could barely fill one page much less two.

Newsflash!
Just because everyone sits up straight, listens attentively, and answers in unison while you are in the room, it is the height of ignorance to assume it would continue afterwards.
In a normal foreigner's classroom it is NON-STOP TALK.
It doesn't matter if I use the timer bomb or crank up the mike to ear-drum piercing range. No effect not counting their whining about how loud it is.
I wouldn't have to turn it up that loud if you would all SHUT THE F()%#) UP for 2 MINUTES for a few instructions!!
The logic of which is naturally, completely lost on them.

As a language class there should be talking. It is one of the four parts of language teaching/learning.
But the incessant talking in Korean classrooms is non-excusable and completely unworkable which is why any lesson 'plan' fills up at most 3 lines.

It is an attitude problem.
One at critical levels because I have been doing this for over 5 years now and I have NEVER had such mean, racist (mostly a boy-problem), rude students as the ones in this high school.

When I first came they tried to pass it off as "they aren't used to your style yet". First off, I have been doing this long enough to smell that was NOT the case. Secondly, even if they didn't want to believe me, a year later, NO CHANGE. And it is not just No Change, the new students coming in are the exact same way!

Then there is the other common 'excuse' for this behavior - the foreigner's class doesn't effect our grade so wth cares?
BUT the flaw to this argument here is that in Japan and Korea - NO GRADE MATTERS. All students advance to the next grade regardless of their previous work.

It's not style, not grades... That leaves us with the life-determining "college entrance exams."
English isn't on them so...

Oh, wait. Yes, it is.
Including a listening test.

But conversation isn't so again WTF cares?
...Except elite schools also include interviews in English.

And even if you weren't going to one of the highly-tauted elitest schools.we can still take out even this argument.
All you have to do is walk the halls during other classes.

English is useless?
NOT exactly...
You know what IS a useless class from a student's perspective?
Chinese. Japanese, Gym, S.E.W.I.N.G. class.

And yet if you walk past these classrooms, whether it be girls or boys, there is attentive silence while the teacher is talking. There is no one reading magazines, watching movies on their PMP, surreptitiously writing email on their cell phones.

The teacher does not have to spend 5+ minutes constantly asking for and not receiving attention.

Of course not.
That teacher is KOREAN and that is all that matters..
And that is what is boils down too - a severe attitude problem towards non-Korean teachers.

And specifically Korean.
I never had this crap in Japan which is why I can never answer their "which country do you like better?"

Gee, I don't know.
WTH do you think??


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tis the season - TOEFL

The biggest problem encountered in TESOL education overseas has been the new speaking part of the TOEFL. For once in the mostly passive educational environment of Asia, students are forced to not just speak, but THINK.
As in think about something other than the latest movie, cell phone app, or trashy, vacuous trend.

Materials to support such thinking activities (hence speaking) are notoriously lacking even in regards to sources in their native language.

In an effort to avoid spending more money for my own textbooks (my company - POSEF - can not apparently afford to purchase a few meager learning materials, much less text books for its students much less the teachers.), I searched and found some sample question sites online.

English Club : includes actual audio file samples and transcripts in case the audio files flunk out on you.

TOEFL HELPDESK : Nice lengthy list of speaking topics.

Internet TESL Journal : HUGE selection of questions arranged by category. Not necessarily TOEFL related.

English-Test.net : sub-forum concerning the TOEFL test. Nice wealth of material, but you need to search through to find speaking-related posts.


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Gift Giving Gone Wrong.

While waiting for the taxi that never came I was accosted by two very nice (and hence very rare) girls that had attended camp.
One peeked around the street post I was huddled against for shelter. "Teacher. Why are you standing here?"
"Waiting for a taxi."
"You should take bus."
"... Yeah, I'm thinking there's no more taxi." After 15 minutes in 2 degree weather it was long past time to give up anyway.

She was carrying the wrapped gift from the Camp Closing Ceremony.
"Ooooh! What is it?" I grabbed it and started squishing it for consistency. It was obvious what it was immediately, but apparently not only to me since before I could declare what knowledge the fruits of my man handling had brought me, her friend piped in, "It's a note book."

That conversation ended as flatly as her statement.

But it did get me thinking about the rampant, pointless gift-giving.
The girls had gifts from giving speeches and so did the class leaders. Class leaders got an extremely exciting package consisting of a 3-ink ballpoint pen and yellow post-it notes!!!!

Seriously. Even if these middle school kids wanted a notebook in the first place - a dubious presumption at best - it's highly unlikely they wanted the generic, bargin bin leftovers bought enmasse that they were handed.
As gifts.

So what was the point of this shameful waste of money on unwanted gifts when they couldn't even provide the teacher's supplies to teach?

I realized then that the gifts were not for the children, but for their blind and adoring parents to see - Look. We, too, adore your preciouseses. We have given gifts to your preciouseses. We can't say we gave much in the way of an educational experience over this past week, but we did spend money on a real gift that you can hold and see for yourself.

...
And thus ends another torturous two weeks of English Camp.


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You teach from 9:25 today!!

was the title of today's 'mail'.
Sent to me at 9:26.

No really. Look.

===========================================================
[제목] : this is todays schedule. you start at 09:25!
===========================================================
[발신인] : 담임 이은영
[수신인] : 어학실
[수신인원] : 1명
[수신일자] : 2009-12-18 09:26

I compared what my clock was saying against the oddly empty classroom, and hurriedly replied back.

"Ok, but so the kids know that? There's no one here."

I learned from before to NOT expect any help so I quickly translated some of what looked relevant Korean emails ONLY to find out today was another test day.

Thanks for the one minute warning people.

Actually, one minute AFTER THE FACT.

This will make the third time they didn't bother to inform me of something dreadfully relevant or a major schedule change. (This is a test-centered school culture.)

Foreigners already have a HUGE disadvantage here far, far beyond the constraints of a language barrier.

But that's another gripe/warning for another time.

The point is that this oversight makes me look BAD. AGAIN.

You do NOT make mistakes here.

And this is "my" third major mistake.

Last week was finals.

Normally I proctor tests so I was prepared to do the same for this one. Even made up a little "test bag" of supplies. When I spoke to my lead teacher, she said that just like the mid-term I would not be on the schedule. Instead I would be "off".

I no longer trust anything here so I decided to come in that morning anyway to do some other work. As I received no "quick! come proctor!" message via the internal messaging system I felt rather confident in her statement. Even so, I went through the dozen or so Korean mails, looking for the ones about the final test and quickly translating what I could.

My name did NOT appear in the schedule.

So I was feeling pretty good and for some reason I can no longer remember went down to see the lead teacher.

After she walked in from her test period, some other male teacher grabbed her and started irritatingly blathering at her. Unfortunately I caught a slurred version of my name.

The resultant explanation of this exchange was delivered with a typically plastered smile - "Oh, you were supposed to proctor! You were on the list!"

...

Really?!? You told me I wasn't going to be on the list.Matter of fact, I went so far as to check the list and I couldn't find my name on it.

It was the FINAL, for %^$%# sake.

And for a foreigner to make a mistake (much less a woman) it is automatically assigned to the pigeon hole thought process of "foreigners = unreliable. lax. sloppy. not serious about their work. have it so f*(&*%g easy yet they can't even be counted on to do something as simple as THIS."

Admittedly, there's more than a few like that (like apparently my next door neighbor), but for those of us who came expecting to actually teach...

Like I told the lead teacher once after another 'incident' - "They (the teachers) have stress so they take it out on you. The kids have stress which they ALSO take out on you. It really seems to me that they're just looking for someone to kick around."

I so, so, sooo hate this place.

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口は災いの元?それとも自由の元？

The Japanese have a saying, a brilliant bit of wisdom if I must say - "口は災いの元".
Literally, "The mouth is the source of troubles."

It's likely why I was unusually reticent as a child (I knew it then without actually knowing it.) and thereafter never developed any further skill with the spoken word.

But as no one understands half of what I say here anyway, I naturally take advantage of this, throw all cares to the wind and babble out whatever pops into my head.


SOPHOMORE BOYS:
"Wake up or stand up!"
- they are perpetually trying to sleep in class. He stood up immediately. He could have just WOKEN UP, but as no one is ever listening to me in the first place, I didn't bother to correct him.

"It's not a dance floor."
- typical example of minor punishment is to have the student stand outside. I don't like that for several reasons the main one of which you simply can NOT trust them to just sit down and make themselves comfortable or merely walk off someplace.
So my version is they stand at the front of the class on my large dias. (Besides, it's more humiliating this way.)
For the first time I caught someone doing the moonwalk up here today.


SOPHOMORE GIRLS and ONE BOY'S CLASS:
"I WILL beat you with the bunny stick."
- aaah, the bunny stick. How I love thee.
In general, you don't have too much problems with the girls classes. That's rather true internationally. But wrongdoings can not go unnoticed forever and sometimes an example must be made.
For the girls, I do the worst thing possible - I use the bunny stick to MESS THEIR HAIR.
For the one and only, singular boys class the rates gentleness because they are so good - I just whack them on the head.
(They're sooo good!!! When I tell them to stand in the corner, they actually STAND IN THE CORNER!! I love that class.)


ALL BOY'S CLASSES:
"You don't speak to me like that!"
"WATCH YOUR MOUTH."
- aah, things I remember hearing from my childhood. (Fortunately, I wasn't on the receiving end.) It's almost nostalgic to find myself saying them now, the way the tumble off my lips so thoughtlessly, naturally.
Seriously, children are extremely rude to the foreign teachers here. It was quite a shock the first couple months after teaching in Japan for 4 years. There's nothing to explain it except to say that THIS is the Korean way of things.


ALL CLASSES:
"If I wait, YOU wait."
- My newest technique for getting them to shut up not just QUICKLY but for more then 5 minutes is deliciously effective. Even more so then the nailpolish. For every minute the make me wait, they wait that long in class After the bell rings. :D
This is really great because you're hitting them directly where it hurts - the stomach and the Korean teacher.
There's only two options for the 'next class'. It's either lunch/dinner, in which case you're delivering a belly-hit, or it's a Korean teacher's class.
They may treat us like week-old road kill, but they respect and FEAR the Korean teachers. They'll stroll into my classroom 5 minutes past start time, but they will run from this same classroom in order to not be late for their Korean teacher's class.
Boy, do they listen carefully these days.

And as always there are the assortment of curious conversations...
Student: "You are scary."
Me: "Yes. I am."
** Her intention was to say that I liked scary things, but I didn't bother to correct her since I agree under either meaning.

Student: "Your face is so small. You are so cute!"
** Yes, I happen to embody the Asian pinnacle of beauty - tall in height (by Asian standards, of course), small face, big eyes, tall nose. (As opposed to big nose. Not big, 'tall'.)

To a Kindergarten boy that kept shoving his toy tank in my face while we were trying to have class -
"Oh, yes, it's very nice. However, I'm against war under any circumstances."

Possibly my current favorite.
Said to a table of girls up front. You remember seeing those nature shows with monkeys grooming themselves, picking out bugs from their fur and eating them?
One of the little monkeys was laying across two others at her table all three of which were searching intently through her hair. I couldn't resist.
"Are you looking for bugs?"
*squeals* "No, no! White hair!"
White hair acquired and yanked free.
In a fleeting moment of sympathy I said "Aah, you are to young."
As student in question despondantly examined the hair - "Yes, I am."
"I think it's stress."
And just as sadly - "Yes, stress."


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psychoses as numerous as the stars above

sophomore girl's class:

The worst class is the worst not because the students behave like rabid, undisciplined puppies (that better describes your normal all boy's class), but because it's the EARLIEST class of the day.

I hate it.
Everyone hates it.
Most students straggle in in a semi-lucid state just at the bell, but for those that drop in earlier that's pretty much what they do - drop into their seats and collapse against the table in exhaustion.
Don't I know that feeling.

Anyway, my classroom tends to be on the dark side. And particularly in the morning.
Purely by choice.

As I myself wandered past a dimly lit table of 3 early girls one of them piped up looking at slouched over student beside her,
"She's crazy."
"That's OK. Me too." was my response which produced a grinning, "Ooh, crazy friends!"

Yay! I got me my first native friend!

sophomore boy's class:

Korea once again brings out my violent streak.

The first grade had already one all day test last week and much to my chagrin the students informed me that now Midterms were next week.
Gawd forbid anyone should bother to tell me anything important.
I've gotten to mostly relay on the kids for information these days.

So in this case what is easiest, or better put least painful for all, is to give them the option of doing English work or studying for the test. (This school is ALL about testing since it is specifically a college preparatory school.) Naturally, the boy's classes hardly ever do any work in the first place, but at least by giving them an 'option' I appear to retain some shred of control.

So study for test it was.

Mostly it went smoothly but even so I found myself forced to make the occasional gaggle of students stand against the wall or separate them into different tables.

Towards the end of class however I heard a very loud and stern (and in English no less!) "Pick it up!" coming from a lone boy at one table. I wandered over to find a pen on the floor which upon inquiry was apparently thrown by another boy at the table cattycorner to him.
Naturally, said culprit denied anything of the sort right down to the big wide-eyed innocent look.
I wasn't buying it but without proof I suggested "Well, just throw it back at him."
"No, no, I can't. He'll hit me."
"So hit him back!"
Usually I get an enthusiastic "Really!?!" but this one just shook his head.
"You want me to hit him? I'll hit him for you!"
I sincerely meant it, too. (I would only have used my fan though.)
Fortunately for our would-be culprit the bell rang and everyone fled in a manner all too reminiscent of a stampede from the room.

Later on though I realized with my experience in Asian psychology, there was a very good chance that boy would have viewed that punishment as a reward.
Probably better that I never got to punish him.


Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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inner demons exposed

Oops.

One of my particularly naughty junior boy's classes got an unexpected peek at what's lurking beneath the big-eyed, pig-tailed harmless 草食動物 looking exterior.
Unexpected from both ends as I hadn't meant to do it, it's just how these things happen.

A whole table was MIA.
An entire table!
That's 5 students just GONE.
I started offering suggestions, speculating as to where they had gone-
Are they sick?
Nurses rooms? Hospital?

--DON'T KNOW.

Aliens? Abducted by ufo?

--MAYBE THEY ARE DEAD.

*low, throaty chuckle*

It just naturally arose in response to one table's suggestion back to me.
I didn't actually realize it until the front tables that heard it started whispering about it.
I only heard bits and pieces of their comments but it was obvious they were duly taken aback.

With ducked heads and sidelong glances...
--whoa...
--did u hear?
--"maybe they are dead." *imitation of my "evil" chuckle*
--ehhh?!

Oops.
Oh, well, that side of me was bound to rear its head sooner or later.


Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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The casual comment

Things I've only been forced to say (repeatedly) in what passes for a 'classroom' in Korea.
*all delivered in the typically flat 'foreign teacher' tone of voice we all develop after 3 months.*


1) “OK, if we can't sit, we can stand. Stand.”
Sophomore boys class where several students were having trouble sitting in their seats without falling out.

2)“OK, if we shut up for 5 minutes we can watch one of the mini movies...”
Again, sophomore boys class.
Even the lure of mindless movie watching didn't keep them quiet for more than 10 seconds.

3)“Why are you sitting on the floor?”
Particularly rowdy sophomore girls class.
From personal experience I know that if you even walk across the floor one time in socks the bottoms will be black. I can't imagine why anyone would ever sit on it.

4)“Well, that's probably because you weren't listening.” *smilesmile*
Probably the most often repeated.
Said in response to the just as often repetitve- “Teacher, I don't understand.” I only ask for five minutes, maybe ten TOPS, to explain things. But seriously, they talk the WHOLE time from the time they enter to the time they leave.

5)“No killing, please.”
Whether it's punishment or play, both children and adults are very physical here.

6)“No food fights, please.”
Only in the boys classes naturally.
When it comes to someone eating snacks, you'd think they were never fed.

7)“Did you hit him back? You can hit him back. It's OK.”
I remember my mother telling the story of how she gave this bit of advice to Renee (or was it Diane) in elementary school after said child reported that some student had hit her. So that's my response to the occasional cry of “Teacher, he hit me!!”


From the other end, somewhat quirky things I've had said to me:

“Campus?”
Inevitably, if I take too long to tell them where I want to go, taxi drivers automatically assume I am a college student that is looking to go to the local elitest campus. Apparently that is because...

“You look like you are 14!”
As the director of Posco Education Foundation laughingly informed me upon seeing my picture.
Personally, I really think 14 is pushing it, but after seeing some of the college students, I can see why the taxi drivers might assume I belong on campus. They do look really old.

“Teacher, every day is special clothes!”
As opposed to the typical jeans-wearing foreigner, my penchant for skirts - particularly LONG skirts - is infamous. Frankly I can count the number of times I've worn pants while I'm here on one hand and have fingers left over. And those times were only because all my skirts were in the laundry basket.
Some things never change.

“Teacher, you dress like a girl!”
That goes without saying but in this case their meaning was as in a school student girl. Between the swirly layered skirts and pigtail braids, I can see where that comment might arise from.

“How old are you?”
“34”
“No, you're not!”
" ... "
Up to this point, I've gotten plenty of disbelieving looks upon revealing my age, but this is the second time I've been outright countered.

And the best one to date...

Sophmore girls class:
“She needs to go home.”
Followed by a paniced, flustered waving of hands. Apparently in order to get the brain gears moving.
“Why?”
The frustrated internal struggle for words was clearly stamped on her face.
“Bleeding!”
“Where!?!?”
The radar switches on and I look all over. I have NEVER seen as many nosebleeds as I have with Korean children. I'm pretty sure it has to do with the physical structure of the nose in the mongoloid race.
“No. No. One month blood.... Monthly blood.”

ohhh.
I have to say I thought this was a very ingenious way to get the idea across when they did not have the actual word for it nor any experience in explaining it in English before. All the previous teachers that they encountered were male and hell would surely freeze over first before they mentioned something like this to one of them.

It should be noted that the next time this event occurred, they were able to explain it clearly and precisely. Someone had consulted the native Korean-English teacher for the right word.



Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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Why do you speak English?

When I lived in the glorious state of Maryland {regarding Ohio, no comment as always} I distinctly remember my mother having a very 1970's looking hardcover on the bedstand titled KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS.

Yes, they do. Particularly in an ESL classroom.

"Why do you speak English?"
~Student A asked me this recently in a conversation about my stamps.
I have many, many. All of which are invariably from Japan.
In response to the question of why I have these Japanese things, I said, "I lived there."
That was followed by a brief moment of silence.
Then, "You lived there? Why do you speak English?"

This is actually very interesting twist to the common expat experience of being a stranger in a strangeland. In Japan the formula was White=>Foreigner=>AMERICAN.
A distinctly skin color-based formula for assessing your opponent in conversation.
(And incidentally there is a sub-rule of Foreigner=can not speak Japanese.)

However, in the little Korean girl's mind, the formula was geographically-based: regardless of skin color, the fact that I lived in Japan equalled I should be speaking Japanese, not English. You could just see the misconnection of reality and facts etched on her face.

However, first week questions top the list for me.

"Why are you so tall?"
~For all the foreigners supposedly around here in Seoul I've always been struck by how misplaced this was. I was never asked this by children in Japan even in the rural areas where it's NOT unusual to be the only foreigner.

Some questions, however, are universal:

"How old are you?"
~As this inevitably comes up not once, but several times I turn it into an ESL activity to practice numbers by making them guess my age. They're always shocked. Even the adults.

"Are you married?"
~Because at MY age, how could I possibly not be?!?!!?
Is the Asain mindset.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"
~Lacking a proper husband, surely I must have one of these to attest to my basic worth as a female. >.>


Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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SNAKES ON THE LOOSE!!!

It goes without saying, no pets in class. Please, people.

I walk into my rowdy, overcrowded {“never more then ten students per class” so why do I count fifteen?} but not unpleasant mid-day class today only to have “Di” jump up and proclaim loudly that “Ray” has snakes!

“Snakes?” I feel my eyes bugle.

“Yes, snakes! Snakes!” “Di” pronounces with that giddy, unhinged excitement only tattletales can manage to exude.

The first thought in my head was "You have got to be sh^%#ng me. Someone brought their pet snake to class?!?"
On the heels of that came a rushed apologetic thought - "Not that I have anything against snakes. I like snakes. I have a tendency towards fondness for long slinky things with sharp teeth – sharks, ferrets, snakes. Ferrets."

Inwardly I felt myself rolling my eyes as I approached the podeum.
I scanned the floor as "Ray" and "Di" and frankly most of the class behaved like a scene out of danse macabre.

"Di" points again. More directly this time at "Ray's" bag – "Snake! Snake!"

In the bag – nothing moving.
Bag – cleared.

On the floor...
...
"Snack?!? You mean snack?!”
I peer in disbelief at the long curly fry on the floor NEXT to the bag.
"That's a snack. Snake is animal."

Draw snake on board.
SNAKE.
Point to floor.
SNACK.

Order, or what passes for it here, returned to class as students took their seats when the bell rang.

And for the rest of the class, the nice-teacher turned a blind eye to the occassional yet repeated consumption of the hapless snakes.


Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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Another buck passing(?)

So I received an email from my contact yesterday that started out with this:

I also wanted to let you know that I will be leaving Korea (to go back) on Monday March 2nd.

Well this was certainly unexpected.
Can't say I slept well last night after hearing that. Last time I "filled in" for someone returning, it was NOT a good position. Worst one to date including an occasionally drunken pervert. Although at this point, poor work conditions are nothing new in this business.

And if that weren't unsettling enough, I STILL have not received my home nor work place address. No matter how many times I've nudged or even just asked.

So it's 8 days and counting until my next entrance into hell!
But at least it will be an interesting version of hell.
Not like the mind-numbing, suicidal-inducing boredom of Youngstown, OH hell.

Cheers! (^_-)-☆

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oh, yes. another nasty school crawls out from under the rocks

So Korea it is!

But before that, here's another company to avoid in Japan while your out hunting - tis the season and all.

RCS Corporation Recruiting

Not only are the benefits ATROCIOUS - frankly I told my friends in Japan the only benefit was it being IN Japan - but apparently they are not interested in qualified applicants. Just so much... work... to schedule... interview... *pass out*

Seriously, they were all high-ho to interview me, but way behind the ball. To make a short story even shorter, I received this message:
Thank you for your email. I have scheduled your telephone interview for Tuesday, February 10th at 10am JST.
Please confirm your interview time.
Vanessa Oguchi HR

SEVERAL HOURS AFTER I had already scheduled an interview with another company that had been in constant email contact with me even throughout the weekend. Like I said, take your time people. Don't want to break a sweat or anything.

Anyway, I sent them a duly apologetic reply, finishing up with a 元気いっぱい:
Terribly sorry for the inconvenience. If another day or time works better for you, please do let me know. I am sure we can work something out!

To which I received a completely そっけない response:
Thank you for your email. Unfortunately, Wednesday is a national holiday so our office is not open.
Kind regards,
Vanessa Oguchi HR

うわ～今時のRecruiterは頑張るよね～。（爆笑） Seriously that was the extent of it. Again, don't want to overextend ourselves here. ^o^

Oh, and if their attitude does not make you wary, check out their benefits. I've clipped some below from the info sheet they sent me. If you have never taught in Korea or Japan before, let me say again, they are the WORST I have ever seen.

-Basic salary: \100,000/month (this figure already includes travel expenses)
- Location allowance: \130,000/month
- Attendance Bonus: \10,000/month
- 3 days possible sick leave

And scarier, there's summer (August) and winter (December) vacation to consider. Vacation, YAY? No, Vacation NO PAY:

OPTION A: Aug & Dec paid at 60%
OPTION B: All months paid at 100% except Aug

Then there's this charming little added expenditure which I have NEVER had to pay before:

Car fee: \20,000/month
Accommodation:
We will assist you in finding accommodation within your budget. Please note for most apartments there may be considerable initial outlay.

And yes, renting an apartment in Japan does have "considerable outlay".
What is there left to say? Someone is making money here but it's definitely not you.
Basically, you are completely on your own with this company. Good luck and all. :D

Anyway, from my end, cheers and be back with more info on Korea in the future! (^_-)-☆


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